


Lost and Found

by PlasticEyes



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Bechloe love child, Child-first person perspective, F/F, Fluff, Luvin this, adorbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6596029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlasticEyes/pseuds/PlasticEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Mis’ Beca?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Where do babies come from?”</p><p>...<br/>(In which a kid gets lucky enough to meet the Mitchell's. Don't let the summary fool you, certain points of this story can be depressing as f---.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> Mis' = Miz  
> Pronunciation is key.
> 
> (Keep in mind this is a toddler narrating. I know my grammar for the most part thank you very much.)
> 
> plasticface.tumblr.com/
> 
> ^3^

I was scared.

 

Confused.

 

A little sad.

 

Alone.

 

And quiet.

 

Always smiling a sweet smile to those who came near.

…

…

**_Wise men say_ **

…

…

…

I don’t really think my name is that important, so I just won’t tell you.

 

Because as far as I know, my name is “brat” or “girl” or “bitch” or “stupid” or “idiot” or “kid”. It’s okay though ‘cause that’s usually what everyone calls me, so that’s what I’m used to answering back to. I’m sure my Mama and Daddy wouldn’t have called me that though. But since Daddy’s gone, and Mama’s in jail, I’m here with the old lady and the other Mama and Daddy-less kids.

 

I’m six years old. Everyone that lives here is much older than me though.

 

“Dinner!” the old lady’s usual voice yelled from downstairs, ringing throughout the houses interior. “Get it while it lasts!”

 

That was Mis’ Harp, the old lady that is. _While it lasts_ she says since, well, not everyone really gets a lot to eat all the time. Mostly because no one cares about sharing like Barney instructed, or at least what Charlotte Bronte wrote about.

 

“Coming Mis’ Harp!” I shouted back, just to make sure she knew I was coming, even though most of the time she could hardly hear the person talking right next to her. But I liked Mis’ Harp, and I especially like the books and novels she gives to me. And candy. She’s nice. Sometimes I imagine her as my secret grandma.

 

All of a sudden, there was a shove to my back, tripping me to the side as they passed by. “Move bitch,” they grumbled. I didn’t mind. I’ve been told that since I’m the youngest one, that meant that it was natural for this kind of stuff to happen. It turns out, from her signature smoky scent, that it was Sandra. She also smoked the stuff Mama smoked.

 

“Sorry!” I called after her even though it was obvious she didn’t care. I just felt like it’d be rude if I didn’t say it.

 

Soon more kids were coming out from their rooms. Zoe, Andrew, Zach, Samantha, Tay, Lizzy (but she like it when we call her Liz), Carel, Yeza, Sara, and (my favorite) Alez. A lot, probably over the maximum a house should hold, but no one really cared in the end. As long as if there was food and leafy things to smoke. Alez smokes the leafy stuff too, but he’s like Mis’ Harp. Always giving me candy and is nice to me all the time, except for when he’s puffing out the smoke. Whenever he does that, he gets all weird and cranky. It’s scary sometimes. But besides that, Alez is the nicest of them all.

 

“C’mon kid,” two pairs of hands slid under my arm, bringing a stifled squeak as I was lifted high into the air and placed on the back of Alez’s neck. “What’re you doin’ in the back of the line huh? Skinny mutt like you should be in the front chowin’ to yur hearts desire.”

 

 Alez is also tall, and he said he’s seventeen years old too. Maybe when he turns eighteen and leaves he’ll take me with him. Because whenever someone turns eighteen, he told me it’s traditional for them to leave. I didn’t know what traditional meant at the time so I looked it up in one of Mis’ Harp’s dictionaries and it read: “A way of thinking, behaving, or doing something that has been used by the people in a particular group, family, society, ets., for a long time.” So that was like Christmas right? Or Eid? Or smoking cigarettes like Mama? I didn’t get it, and when I asked him, he just laughed at me and told me “not to think too hard on it”. I still don’t really get it, and I don’t really wanna follow what Mama did so…

 

Oh well, I’m hungry.

 

“Go piggy!” yelling this while rubbing at his curly hair. “Mush! Mush!”

 

He gave a “Whoop!” and charged forward, bouncing me up and down as we passed through all the other dull eyed kids. I shouted a happy cry as we raced down the stairs, passing by even Sandra as he slid to a halt just in front of the table and its rations. Pizza, impossible to get sick of. He set me down, quickly making sure as to grab me a slice before everyone else began pouring in. Food in plates, Mis’ Harp then came in, skinny and deaf as always, shouting out something about “grace” which everyone just ignored, grabbing at their plastic plates and heading back up into their rooms. But I stayed, and she looked at me, smiling and mumbling something under her breath as she came down to press a light kiss atop my head. Then it was just me, Alez also going up to his room at the mentioning of “grace”, not before rubbing at my hair and wishing me good night of course.

 

After I was done, I went to my room too. A cupboard, just under the steps of the house. I don’t mind. When I first moved into it I did, it was really dark and dank in there. But later I got used to it, and even later I read this book about a magical wizard who didn’t have any parents like me, and he lived in a cupboard too. So, until now, maybe if I stay long enough in the cupboard –I’ll become a wizard too! Or a witch, whichever one’s right.

 

“Goodnight Mr. Dumble,” I made sure to say to my stuffed tiger as always while settling into bed. “Make me a wizard one day please.” With that, I switched the light off and tucked the blanket up and above my nose. I never like the dark, and the usually with my nightlight everything was fine –but the nightlight was burned out. So it was pitch black, and Mis’ Harp had told me about a month ago that she’d fix it.

 

She forgot.

 

But that’s okay, because everyone forgets sometimes. Just like Daddy, he forgot about Mama, and that’s why he’s not here. Or at least that’s what Mama said. Mama used to tell me that Daddy would be back, he just had a bad memory, and that’s why he wasn’t back yet.

 

I’m still waiting.

 

…

…

…

**_Only fools, rush in_ **

…

…

 …

 

“Get her out of there!”

There were people everywhere, gold and dark blue, streaming in like ants struggling to escape from the rain and crowding into the room as if looking for protection from God’s wrath. But they weren’t, because they had firearms in their hands, and heavy boots on their feet, stomping and crashing into Mis’ Harp’s furniture.

 

“I’m trying for god’s sake! She won’t –”

 

Then they were after me, and I was running away from them. Mis’ Harper had told me if a stranger ever came after you, you run. So I ran, even despite the fact that Mis’ Harper wasn’t moving from her bed to help me.

 

“Put your fucking arms around her and _carry_ her out you fuckbrain! _Now!_ ”

 

“No!” I was screaming, kicking and sobbing as his arms came around my waist, lifting me into the air and dropping onto his shoulder. “Let go! Let g-” but I was stopped, like Rosa Park, like Ahmed Batebi, like Mandela, like Thich Quang Duc, li--

 

He carried me out. Out of the room, out of the house –but never out from the memory. Red water everywhere, hair and body and face and smiling lips and aghast eyes and dangling limbs. Everyone, Mis’ Harp, Liz, Carl, Alez, everyone. I ran to their rooms, doors barged open but _no_ –everyone. Dull and gone. Face flaccid and chests lifeless.

 

Even Sandra, steel gun resting beneath her hanging feet as her neck swayed from a tied bed sheet.

 

The cupboard. She forgot.

 

…

…

…

**_But I, can’t help_ **

…

…

…

 

The next days were awful. I was constantly moved and jostled and questioned. They wanted to know about Sandra, about what she did and what she was doing the night before. I told them I didn’t know, and that I was scared and wanted to go back to Mis’ Harp and Aleza even though I knew already that they weren’t breathing anymore. But they only grumbled and snapped, like an upset dog would do if it didn’t get its food on time. This went on for days, and I only told them what I knew. How Sandra wore black clothes most of the time, how she preferred her pizza cold instead of hot, how she smoked the stuff that Mama smoked all the time.

 

I was tired all the time.

 

“Don’t worry kid,” a lady had come to assure on what seemed to be a couple of weeks later, slipping her hands under my arm and picking me up from the cold chair, tucking me into her chest. She rubbed lightly at my back. “You’re gonna be fine.”

 

I had wrapped my arms around her neck, too tired to tell her the same thing I had already told countless other people. To just “stop!” and “leave me alone!” I was sleepy, and she was warm.

 

But I didn’t trust her, no I didn’t trust any one of these people.

 

So I ended up falling asleep and dreaming the worst dream I’ve ever dreamt in my entire life. There were eyes everywhere –red, orange, blue, black, white, purple –blinking their lashes cyclically and surrounding me everywhere. It sounds stupid, but when you’re there, when you’re encircled in the engulfing blackness, helplessly calling out to Alez and Mama and Daddy and Mis’ Harp…

 

_…but no one came._

 

…

…

…

**_Falling in love_ **

…

…

…

 

A couple days later, they dropped me off at another house, with a new Mis’ Harp, but no new Alez. I was still really sad, and when I was with the people in the fancy uniform I used to ask them the question of “why?” They’d just explain with a sigh in their breath that I was too young to understand. Too young to comprehend, to grasp the true meaning, to analyze the situation at hand.

 

“You’ll be fine kid.” Said easily, reassurance being the only reason. Truth on the other hand, as if now not reliable.

 

The same day of being dropped off at the new house, I was also assigned to see a really pretty lady in which the new Mis’ Harp would drive me to. I liked the pretty lady. Her name was Mis’ Mitchell, but she told me to just call her Chloe. So I settled on calling her Mis’ Chloe. She was nice, always asking me questions like how my day went and how I was feeling and what kind of dreams I had the night before and what I wanted to be when I grow up. I answered honestly most of the time, other times when I wasn’t feeling good telling her a more vague and quick answer since I didn’t like lying. Lying is something Honest Abe would never do, that’s why I don’t like doing it. And after these sessions, she’d always end with the same routine that always brought a weird feeling to my chest.

 

“Look forward to seeing you next week!” and afterward she’d stand up from her rolly chair and walk on over to me, bending down and hugging me tightly before leading me out hand in hand to the awaiting new Mis’ Harp. Then we’d get back into the car and head back to the house.

 

I didn’t like the house. Everyone there was much younger compared to Mis’ Harp’s house. They were about the same age as me, something I should’ve been happy about. But no, they were rude and obnoxious and stupid. And loud, really _really_ loud. And I hated loud. From construction to thunder –oh especially thunder, I hated that. That’s why I didn’t like being near them, instead borrowing books from the new Mis’ Harps private library and settling on the roof of the house to read in peace and quiet. And before you start questioning, it’s not that the new Mis’ Harp didn’t have a name. She did.  I just wasn’t sure on how to pronounce it. _Miss_ Kommissar. She was tall, prim, pencil skirt, hair up in a tight bun, proper, and always wearing makeup. Her hands were always like claws, nails never failing to dig into my skin whenever she yanked at my arm and shook me if I did something wrong. She hardly ever smiled, and when she did, it was that scary smile that just made you want to turn around and run for your life.

 

She was mean, and scary. And I didn’t like her. Especially her punishments. Most of them were fine, a spank here and there. Not something I was unfamiliar with from Mama. But the worst one(from what I’ve heard of) was when you did something _really_ wrong, and then she’d grab you with her sharp nails and drag you screaming and crying into the dark _dark_ cellar where the remaining bones of kids before still lay till’ this day. Or at least that’s what my bunkmate told me. I’ve never been down there, but I’ve seen the cellar, and even peeked in there once, and it was _pitch_ black. I could hardly see an inch in front of me.

 

I was more careful with the books I borrowed after that.

 

Another thing about the house was that everyone seemed to be disappearing all the time. And a lot of strangers always seemed to be following us kids around, observing everything we do in the living room area. That’s why I never really got anybodies name memorized, a few weeks or (at most) a month later they were gone.

 

What was even weirder was when they came to talk to you.

 

“Hello,” a lady’s voice had come to greet to me, taking a perfectly manicured finger and lowering the book I had in my grasp so that she could look at me better. “What’s your name?”

 

I was quiet since, well, I’m always quiet. I also didn’t necessarily know what to do, but I _did_ know that this lady was a stranger. And strangers weren’t supposed to be talked to right?

 

“Don’t worry,” and then she smiled, carefully making a crease at the page of my Astronomy page before closing the book and setting it down just next to where she sat down herself. “I promise I won’t bite.”

 

The _peculiarity_ of the phrase. (I learned _that_ word from the book). “But why would you bite me in the first place?” I had asked. “That would make you a cannibal.”

 

She then gave me a quizzing look, smile noticeably sliding into a frown. A farewell was then muttered, book returning abruptly to my grasp as she stood up, brushing at the back of her flowery dress before walking off. I ended up watching her throughout her stay, the way that she, like all the other strangers, strolled around the area as if she was living in it. Peering over at a kid playing with a toy truck, then at some girl drawing squiggles in a kindergarten rated book. Finally, like a lion to a dear, after prowling around a certain blonde haired blued eyed boy, she squatted in front of him, no doubt going through the same routine as me. Between their conversations there were smiles, giggles, laughs, and chuckles.

 

The next day, the boy disappeared.

 

I told Miss Kommissar right away, claiming that the woman had abducted the boy. At first she had raised an eyebrow, confused at the declared statement.

 

“Abducted?” her sharp accent questioned, hands still firmly tucked behind her back. Then realization seemed to hit her, and she let out a booming laugh, waving me off as she brushed by me. “You mean Matt? Silly girl, Matt was adopted yesterday not abducted.”

 

Then the understanding hit me.

 

Adoption. _Ohhh._ Well duh.

 

This, I was sort of confused. I had given up waiting already. Daddy obviously wasn’t coming back. Mama probably wasn’t gonna be seen any time soon.

 

So…

 

A _new_ Mama and Daddy. Ones that didn’t hit you, or weren’t in jail. Ones that hadn’t forgotten about you. No chastisement, no shrieking, no abandonment.

 

Or.

 

Fantasies weren’t reality. That’s why there’s always a distinction between fiction books and non-fiction books.

 

Maybe they secretly did. Maybe it was a traditional thing…? Something that all Mama’s and Daddy’s did?

 

…

 

Poor Matt.

 

…

…

…

**_With_ **

…

…

…

**_You_ **

…

…

…

 

“So how’s my favorite girl doing today?”

 

“Good thank you. How’re you doing today Mis’ Chloe?”

 

“Fine, thank you very much. How’s the house doing?”

 

“It’s okay. Miss Kommissar took me with her on her shopping trip yesterday. Since I was a good girl though, she bought me a new book.”

 

“Oh that sounds fantastic! What’s the book called then?”

 

“Unicorns vs. Zombies. By Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier.

 

 “…”

 

“…”

 

“…so shall we continue off our previous conversation?”

 

“Oh we shall~…”

 

We shared a giggle, and I happily hopped onto the wooden chair, eager to discuss my new topic points on whether or not Unicorns existed. An intense battle between the two of us that had taken up already three weeks worth of our scheduled visits.

 

“Whatev’ you got for me?” she demanded, clasping both hands together and leaning forward from her rolly chair. “Bring it on. I can handle it!”

 

So I _did_ bring it on. Declaring my facts, backing them with the natural laws of nature, Darwin’s Theory and Treasure Planet. Conspiracies mixed with quantum physics. Roman, Greek, Norse mythology and folk lore –combined and tangled together. All, in the end, to prove once and for all, that unicorns were indeed alive and living.

 

By the time I was finished, only ten minutes of our whole hour was left.

 

“…nd that’s why unicorns are real.”

 

She looked at me for a second, a weird look on her face. “Wow,” she breathed out. “That was –amazing.”

 

“M-hm,” I crossed my arms over my chest, doing my best to look as high as I felt. “Take that Mis’ Chloe.”

 

Then her expression was changed, snapped back into a smirk as her blue eyes refocused. She opened her mouth to say something –but before she could even say a single word, the door was slammed open and in came a lady. Huffing and puffing while carrying a bustle of bags.

 

“Chlo!” she panted, passing right by me and almost collapsing onto Mis’ Chloe. I immediately slid off my chair, careful of the new stranger to enter the room. “Chlo am I too late? Tell me I’m not too late! Oh jeez’ I was really looking forward to meeting the lil’ bugger on her special day and everyth-”

 

“Beca,” Mis’ Chloe went along and interrupted, pushing off from her own chair and calmly taking the bags from the woman’s hands. Then after putting them to the side she turned the lady by the shoulder towards my direction.

 

“Oh.”

 

I don’t know about this lady. Even though she looked nice, brown hair and blue eyes, just like Mis’ Chloe except Mis’ Chloe had red hair and was taller, she was still a stranger. And I could almost feel the way she seemed to be drinking up my appearance, leaving an uncomfortable feel to me.

 

“Alrighty then! Honey,” she gestured with a flap of her hand to me, urging me to come towards her and the stranger standing closely next to her. “Would you like to come and meet Beca?”

 

 _Well_ I couldn’t say no when she said it like that. ‘Cause that would be rude, and it looked like whoever this lady was Mis’ Chloe was acquainted with well. So maybe she couldn’t be that bad.

 

“Okay,” I muttered, nervously rubbing my hand onto my arm since usually talks between me and grownups (except for Mis’ Chloe of course) ended with them either ignoring me, yelling at me, or just walking away after a couple of seconds. So I walked over to her slowly, scraping my slippers across the floor and not really being able to meet her staring eyes as they followed my movements. Finally I was standing next to Mis’ Chloe, maybe even hiding behind her a little because I was already feeling really anxious and Mis’ Chloe was probably someone I could rely on when it came to hiding.

 

But then what’d ya’know, that lady goes ahead and bends down, kneeling so that now if I had wanted to, I could’ve put my hand onto her silky looking hair. I scooted behind Mis’ Chloe’s some more, uneasy at the advancing movements of the lady. Then, Mis’ Chloe does it. Oh she does it –taking a full step backwards and leaving me wide eyed and panicked at being exposed so vulnerably to the stranger.

 

“Hey kid,” she smiles, tilting her head a bit and offering a small and quick wave. “What’s up?”

 

I still didn’t want to talk to her so I looked up at Mis’ Chloe, seeing if maybe it was time for me to leave yet and go back to Miss Kommissar. She only raised an eyebrow, lips tightening as she gave me that expectant look. I sighed, stuffing my hands into my pockets and peering back at the lady.

 

“Twelve by twelve inched ceiling tiles, approximated value for a purchase of one being around the amount of forty-five dollars.”

 

She smiled even wider which –wasn’t right? That’s _not what usually happens…_ “Yeah? That’s pretty cool.” She glanced up at Chloe, slanting her head into my direction. “Oh I like this one.”

 

This wasn’t right, something wasn’t right. This lady –Beca. I don’t _…get it._

 

“So how old are ya’ turning today kiddo?

 

“…seven.” I made sure to say it slowly though, cautiously with my lips pouted out and head leaning back. Something I had learned to be the “suspicious” pose from an old mystery novel. “How’d you know it was my birthday today?”

 

“Oh well that’s easy.” Then she stood up, tousling my hair without warning and then going off to the pile of bags next to Mis’ Chloe’s rolly chair. “My babe over here told me.”

 

“Who…” I frowned, rubbing my head and looking over at Mis’ Chloe, directing my question to her since the Beca-lady seemed to be busy looking through the bags. “Babe” was a word to describe a precious person to the person who had said it, a nickname. So who in the room was this stranger’s…“Babe?”

 

Mis’ Chloe just scoffed, rolling her eyes and going back to her rolly chair, plopping on down into it. Then she beckoned with a “come” gesture in which I obviously obliged to, going over to stand next to her –only to be pulled into a horrifying, _horrifying_ trap.

 

“Augh!-- Mis’ Chloe _stahp_ it!” I truly did try for a moment to escape from her grasp, but it of course proved to be hopeless since it seemed as though her grip was almost as strong as steel chains itself. Her hands were locked around my waist, pushing me back against herself and forcing me to sit still. I could smell her lavender scented perfume come all over me after I finally decided to settle down, deciding with the plain logic that the faster I get this over with, the faster she’ll let me go. And it’s not that I didn’t like Mis’ Chloe and her hugs or anything, I just didn’t really like it when people got all touchy-feely with me. Hugs were usually brief, Mis’ Chloe catching on that I wasn’t much for physical contact. But once in a while she’d do this, usually on days when I wasn’t feeling good.

 

I was feeling fine today though. Honest.

 

“Sweetie,” she began, and I could feel the vibration of her voice through her chest as she spoke. “When Beca say’s “Babe”, she’s talking about me. _I’m_ her babe.”

 

Oh, so they must be really close then. That’s nice. Maybe the Beca-lady isn’t that bad then. “Okay.”

 

“We’re married.”

 

And I _gasped_ , because as far as I was aware Mis’ Chloe _wasn’t_ married. But I also wasn’t aware that two girls _can_ get married. It’s always the girl and the guy to the end of every story. Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, the Odyssey, Aeneid, all those other books.

 

I pushed outwards at her arm lock, twisting around to get a better answer at the question I was about to ask. “Well how’d you do _that_ Mis’ Chloe?”

 

She just hummed, taking a finger and tapping my nose lightly before turning me back around to the previous position.“Like any other wedding hun,” she said simply, gradually rocking me back and forth. By now her grip had loosened, and if I wanted to I could’ve jumped right off then and there. But I didn’t ‘cause as much as I would’ve rejected it if anyone asked, I was pretty comfortable, and Mis’ Chloe was really warm and comfy. Like a really big pillow. So it was all good.

 

“And here we are!” the Beca-lady finally came to exclaim, pulling out a Macy’s paper bag and coming back over to us. Mis’ Chloe then unlocked her arms and allowed me to hop off, then patted me on the back to go on over closer to the Beca-lady. I still didn’t really want to go to her, even if she did just call Mis’ Chloe her “babe”. But Mis’ Chloe kept on her shoving at me to get closer so I just sighed and sucked it up, mumbling a bit of jumbled up words before taking a couple more steps to her.

 

“Don’t worry kid,” she grinned, and I just realized that _whoa_ , she has really white teeth. “I won’t bite.”

 

Immediately I thought back to the other lady that had said the same thing, and how she had _only_ said that to warm up to me in order to consider the possibility of _adopting_ me. Well, then and there at realizing this, I was _extra_ wary of this lady. Didn’t want her thinking up the wrong idea of me and all.

 

So that’s when I got to thinking –to when I _had_ responded my answer to the last lady, she had left me alone almost at once. So, that would mean if I did the same thing to this lady, then she would go away right? Yeah, so that’s just what I did. I looked up to her and went along and declared, “Well why would you bite me Mis’? That’d just make you a cannibal.” But here’s where it went wrong because oh no, she didn’t leave at all. In fact, all she did was chuckle a hearty chuckle, replying with a simple “Maybe,” and then squatting on down and reaching over the small Macy’s bag to me. I was still stunned beyond belief since my flawless plan didn’t work, but no matter because Mis’ Chloe was clearing her throat and reminding me that it’d be really rude if I didn’t take the bag from her hand.

 

“Thank you,” I politely exchanged as she handed me the bag. But –what had just happened? Why hasn’t she left yet? Is it ‘cause she’s married to Mis’ Chloe and because some of Mis’ Chloe’s Mis’ Chloe-ness rubbed off on her?

 

“No prob kiddo.”

 

So I opened the bag up, expecting a doll or stuffed bunny or some other archetypal girly toy. But – _no way…_

 

“Woah!” I could feel my mouth stretch wide because for real _woah!_ “How did you –how did –this is so – I can’t believe you –” and I was breathing really fast and soon began bouncing up and down ‘cause, “Oh man! This is so cool!”

 

“Five hours kid,” she stated seriously, holding up her hand for emphasis. “Five hours. No bathroom _or_ lunch breaks. _Five_ hours to get that _one_ book signed.”

 

“Whoa…” staring up at her and too caught up on the precious gift in my hands and the slight puzzlement of why the Beca-lady who had just met me today would go through all that trouble. I was even about to go on and ask her until there was a knock at the room door, causing her to turn away from me and go open it. Then Miss Kommissar was walking in, refined as always as she calmly reminded Mis’ Chloe that my hour was up.

 

“So sorry, my fault entirely Miss um… -Miss Kommisae was it?”

 

“Kommissar,” she replied with a curt looking nod. “And you must be _Beca_ Mitchell?”

 

It was kind of mean though, as in, the way she said it. Almost as if she was greeting a bug of a sort. The Beca-lady also must’ve caught on because her posture seemed to stiffen, and her eyebrow was raised defensively.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, isn’t this lovely then,” Miss Kommissar continued, smiling widely. Then she snapped her head to me, gesturing with a nod and crisp clear, “Come along then.” I did too, because when Miss Kommissar smiles like that, you know she isn’t in a good mood. I took her awaiting hand quickly, and we were walking out the door, the book still grasped tightly in my other hand.

 

Just as we were exiting the door though, I managed to glance back over my shoulder, spotting the Beca-lady. Then all of a sudden my stomach did this twist thing that made me panic for a second, and I realized I was guilty. Because I hadn’t even said a single thank you to the Beca-lady for the book she got me. And then to Mis’ Chloe, she didn’t get to give me her traditional bye-hugs.

 

But then they were gone, and me and Miss Kommissar were now in the hallway. And the painful feeling just wasn’t leaving my stomach so –I slowed down in my steps, looking up at Miss Kommissar as she glared down at me. “Miss Kommissar?”

 

“ _What_ is it child?”

 

“Um, I forgot to say bye. Can I go do that really quick?”

 

Oh boy did she look mad, I could tell at the way her hands seemed to squeeze tight at mine, to the point where I almost cried out because then her nails started digging into my skin. But just as it was happening it was done, and she was letting go of my hand, answering with a terse “Hurry up,” and returning to her chair on the side of the hallway.

 

At once I twirled around, rushing back to the door and heaving it open and dashing inside.

 

“Oh hey ki –oof!”

 

She didn’t finish her sentence ‘cause I already tackled her into a quick hug, squeezing tightly at her leg before turning to Mis’ Chloe who was already smiling with her own arms opened, and I hurriedly nestled into her hug before swiftly detaching myself and running back to the door.

 

“Thanks Mis’ Beca!” I called back to her before fully closing the door. Then I was back with Miss Kommissar, stomach feeling a lot better since I wasn’t guilty anymore.

 

I think I like Mis’ Beca.

 

…

…

…

**_Shall I stay_ **

…

…

…

 

She had me by the hair.

 

I couldn’t see _where_ –I couldn’t see _why_ and _what_ –

 

She was shrieking something and I was sobbing in a fruitless attempt to escape, pulling and yanking at her arm and digging the heel of my feet into the carpet and slippery wood. But she just tugged harder, and I could feel the sharp pierce of her nails on my head as her jerks grew more and more fiercer.

 

“M-Miss Kommissar I-”

 

“ _Shut_ _up._ ”

 

I could feel my heart beating hard, and I kept yelling at her to _stop_ but she _just_ _wouldn’t_. _I don’t know_ –we were down the stairs and the night sky outside was hardly perceived as she hauled me along. Then there was the sound of creaking hinges and I was tumbling down down _down_ stairs and -

 

It was dark.

 

Everything was dark and _I can’t se-_

 

I scrambled to my feet, whipping my head around only to watch the light of the kitchen vanish, and the lock of a key clicking through the silence of the area.

 

I already knew where I was. I’m scared _I’m **scared** ,_ I’m running and blindly pushing up the stairs, hands out and palms connecting with the door. I’m banging, and crying, and pleading, and breathing _heavily._ **_I’m scared,_** there’s bugs all around me, crawling and skittering across my chest and atop my eyes and I’m scratching and clawing at my skin, screaming and terrified and petrified and begging for someone, for anyone to _open please!_ “Please!” _Please please-_ “Please let me out!” I don’t why, I don’t know and I don’t care _anymore just please_ , _“Please_ **_help_** _!_ ”

 

Mis’ Harp, Alez, Mis’ Chloe, Miss Kommissar, Mis’ Beca, Mama, Daddy.

 

But no one came.

 

And I sat there, hot and clammy, ice cold and chilled. Knees drawn to my chest, arms trembling and hands locked together around my legs. I couldn’t tell if my eyes were opened or closed. I could smell, and I could only hear, hear the sounds of creaks and groans and moans of children who had also been locked down here before. Starving or rotting and desperate and _haunting_.

 

Waiting, but no rescue. Stranded with no means of aid or rescue.

 

I was scared.

 

…

…

…

**_Would it be_ **

…

…

…

 

_I don’t know --_

 

_I don’t remember --_

 

_I don’t **want** to remember this --_

 

…

 

Every time I blinked, my eyes would water, and every time I breathed, my throat would itch. Every time I moved my leg, there would be no feeling, and every time I stretched my arm, the stiff joint would crack back at me.

 

I don’t know what time it is. I don’t know how long it’s been. _I don’t know what to do._

 

Sometimes I thought I had stopped being alive, ‘cause there’d come a point where there was absolutely _no_ sound at all. Silence. Not even the tiniest of a creak, or the smallest of a mouse squeak. And it was those times when I heard the voices, and I thought I could almost feel a wisp of a hand come onto my knee, and it was those times when I’d scream out, and cry out loud ‘cause I just wished someone would let me out already.

 

But then it was at the same time I’d realize that I _was_ still breathing, and that I hadn’t stopped being alive. Then I’d go back to my leaning on the door and doing my best to make myself as small as possible.

 

And maybe I slept after doing that –but maybe not. It didn’t make a difference anyhow, a bad dream is a _bad dream_.

 

…

…

…

**_A sin_ **

…

…

…

 

I almost wish she’d just left me down there instead. What difference would it have made anyway.

 

“Get up.”

 

So when the door came swinging open, I shrieked because my _eyes_ , they burned and pounded at my head because the _sun_. She grabbed my wrist, pulling me forcefully to my feet and dragging me out instead. I tried to stand, but my legs were _aching_ and my eyes were still squeezed tightly and everything was just so sore and _painful_.

 

“I hope you’ve learned your lesson,” her voice snapped, and I was finally able to squint open my eyes, blinking rapidly for a few moments before peering up at her. “Stealing my grandmothers _priceless_ novels –what in god’s name were you thinking _Gör_? _Disgusting_.”

 

I was still aching everywhere, but I didn’t say a word. I was too scared she’d put me back down there to speak even a single sound. Shaking though, because right now I _hated_ her. I hated her for putting me _down_ there, for _leaving_ me down there, all because of some stupid _stupid_ books that belonged to someone who wasn’t even _breathing_ anymore.

 

“Come now,” she yanked at my arm, leading me on through the kitchen and pushing my legs forward. “To bed with you.”

 

Oh but I didn’t want it anymore. I didn’t want her stupid claw hands on me anymore. I didn’t want to stay anywhere even _near_ this house anymore.

 

It wasn’t a good idea. But I did it anyway, just because right now –I was done.

 

Quick as a snake would’ve, I snapped my head to her arm and sank my teeth into soft flesh. There was a scream, and almost at once her fingers retracted from me, a cool breeze flowing over the bruised area while I ran away –dashing away –stumbling away at last from her. Her yells in a different language were lost between the whistling of my ears, twisting the knob as my shoulder barged open the heavy oak doors.

 

Out and _alive_.

 

Free and alone.

 

…

…

…

**_If I, can’t help_ **

…

…

…

 

There were a lot of people, bustling and chatin’ around with a _whole_ bunch of other people. Cars were honking, people were yelling, machines were beeping. There was just so much stuff going on and I couldn’t stop getting dizzy ‘cause I had to keep making sure and watching out to not get in the way of anything.

 

The first day, I almost got hit by a car.

 

“Ey’ watch where you’re goin’ kid!”

 

Luckily the person in the car saw me and came to a screeching stop before it could really hit me. After that, I spent my time in a dim –but never too dim, long hallway looking area. And even thought the place smelled really bad, and was for some reason always cold and wet, it became my new little hideout. I liked it since there was a big yellow streetlight right next to the area, always turning on at night time just so that it was nice and bright in the place.

 

On the second day I discovered my first major problem. I was hungry –starving really. At first I tried asking nicely to people, maybe hoping that if I did it politely enough they’d give me some money to go get some McDonalds.

 

“Beat it.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“Maybe another time.”

 

Maybe I asked the wrong grownups, or maybe all grownups are just like that since not even a single one of them even looked at me.

 

On the third day I was _really_ hungry. I didn’t even try asking people when I woke up that morning. Instead I just walked on over to a passing by hotdog stand and casually decided that I’d borrow some hotdogs from him. Welp, he saw me. But more importantly –he almost caught me. He had grabbed my arm roughly, more roughly than Miss Kommissar had ever, and shoved his gross face into mine, demanding for me to pay up for the hotdog.

 

“Gimme the money or I’ma beat it outta ya’ kid!”

 

Plain instinct and panic ensued, and I bit him. Hard.

 

On the fourth day I was a bit more scared. Also kind of regretting my decision to running away from Miss Kommissar. It was always cozy and warm in the house, and even though our diet was always really strict, well at least they actually _gave_ us food. And I was also feeling really sticky all the time, sweaty and hot in the afternoon, then freezing cold at night. There was no blanket or pillow, just the cement and my shorts and short sleeve t-shirt. Later on I had found a jacket on a bench, probably left by someone on accident. Normally I didn’t like stealing, but just that once I took the jacket. That night was a bit more comfy that the three nights before. Honest Abe would be pretty mad if he knew what I had done though.

 

The seventh day I found out I wasn’t alone. There were other people like me, no house or money. Most of them were grownups too, so I didn’t really want to go near them. Some of them tried to be nice to me though, calling me over and asking if I was all right and needed some help.

 

“Wanna’ share the fire kid? You’re lookin’ pretty chilled there.”

 

But I didn’t trust them, so I ran off before they could get any closer. There were also some teenagers, most who just ignored me as I ignored them, rather smoke their cigarette than bring up a conversation. I didn’t mind.

 

The ninth day I was still struggling with my food problem. Water was easy, there being a nearby public bathroom that I usually drank from the faucets. At night the grownups usually crowded around it though, so I usually stayed away at that time. For the food I ended up just having to keep borrowing from people who pass by with the food trolleys. I’ll pay them back later. Probably.

 

And the days passed on. And on. And on and on. Soon I began missing my books, so I ended up reading newspapers whenever I got bored. Sometimes I thought back to Miss Kommissar and my old bed, and other times it’d be Alez and Mis’ Harp’s candy. But in truth, I mostly just missed Mis’ Chloe. Her and her babe.

 

They were the nice ones I guess. Or at least I think they are.

 

…

…

…

**_Falling in love_ **

…

…

…

 

Day twenty-five or so. I haven’t really been keeping count so I’m not really entirely sure. I’ve sort of fallen into a regular routine, wake up, go use the bathroom and wash my face a bit. Then the rest of the day I was out and about, doing the usual hunting for food.

 

Pretty simple.

 

“That’ll be six dollars and fifty cents ma’am.”

 

I was quiet, creeping slowly and making sure to keep my head down as I scuttled over. Metal to my back, a quick glance upwards, gradually reach a hand up until – _swip!_ There was tinfoil in my hand, and the delicious smell of gyro flooding my sense as I hugged the sandwich close. I almost grinned but quickly stopped myself, reminding myself that I was just borrowing and giving back with a blessing. Not stealing.

 

“Oop –hold up a sec sir. Let me get you fifty cents.”

 

If possible to choke on air, then I did, nearly coughing out loud but instead suppressing it quietly into the fold of my arm. _There was no way –no possible wa-_

 

But it was. I got onto my knees, carefully crawling over to the side of the food cart and sticking my head out to correctly find out who the voice belonged to.

 

Red hair.

 

Giving the man something while grabbing hold of two tin foiled sandwiches.

 

Blue eyes. Smiling. Sapphire colored, wandering over –…meeting mine.

 

…

 

Appalled.

 

…

 

“Oh my g-”

 

I didn’t hear her because I was already running away and about before she could say anything else. I don’t why either, I was kind of happy to see her but –I didn’t want to see her. What if she takes me back to Miss Kommissar? Or what if she doesn’t even _want_ to see me anymore?

 

When I did finally come to a stop, it was only because I could hardly carry the sandwich in my sweaty hands without it slipping from my grasp. So I settled on a nice little bench in a nice little park, opened up the foil and let out a deep breath as I slumped down on the bench. Munching on my breakfast/lunch, that’s when I got thinking. About Mis’ Chloe and all.

 

Should I have gone to her? I mean, I kinda’ wanted to but –at the same time _I kind of don’t…_

 

Oh well, she’s gone now I guess.

 

…

…

…

**_With you_ **

…

…

…

 

Apparently that wasn’t the first time it was to happen. Turns out that Mis’ Chloe and Mis’ Beca must live somewhere around the area ‘cause after that day, I started seeing them a lot more. It was kind of weird, watching them from my position and not really going to say anything to them.

 

Later on, I started realizing that they were looking for something, ‘cause their visits began becoming more frequent, and more widely ranged. It was starting to become a bit harder to keep myself hidden. Even at one point they almost found me, it being Mis’ Beca who had wandered casually into the bathroom I used for water. She was muttering something under her breath when she walked in, storming past the stall I was in and banging close the door to the stall next to me.

 

At once I had jolted out of the stall, rushing past the sink and not even bothering to wash my hands as I swung open the bathroom door and back out into the twilight evening.

 

It was then I hoped that whatever they were looking for, they’d find it quick. Because this was just getting ridiculous.

 

…

…

…

**_Like a, river flows_ **

…

…

…

 

I’m sitting on a bench right now, just, y’know, listening. It’s about evening, the day number…well I don’t even have a clue anymore.

 

Sometimes I like to listen. Conversation after conversation, nearby to passing by. It’s pretty cool if you were to ever give it a try.

 

“…nd I was like, no fucking way Jessi…

 

…believe it! I know I can’t, that boy is the sweetest of th…”

 

“…oxed and ready for packaging. All we need is permission from Mr. Jon…”

 

“…ey Mom, hoping you get this…”

 

I swung my legs back and forth on the bench, rocking side to side. Just another one of those days.

 

“…bag broke yesterday while I was walking in the hall…”

 

“…told you not to buy the dog and what does she do? She buys the damn d…”

 

“…eah I see what you’re saying. Those chimpanzees ar…

 

“…kinny bitches better move out of my way or I’ma- _THERE SHE IS!_ ”

 

Hm?

 

“C’mere kid!” Before I can even get what’s happening, there’s hands all over me, grabbing around me and lifting me into the air. I can only squeak as I’m plopped onto a soft shoulder, blonde hair suddenly squished into my face. “Whoa, she’s a squirmy one huh Stace?”

 

“P-…put me down lady!” I kick out with my foot, connecting it into softness. Soft? _Wha?_ “Let go of me!”

 

“Looket’er Stace, she’s kicking at ma’ fat! What a sweetheart.”

 

“Mm-hm,” I pushed off the shoulder with my arms, managing to weakly raise my head in order to get something other than hair in my face. Instead, I was met with some ladies face, only a couple of inches away from mine.

 

“Eep-” but I was cut off, my hands slipping on the material of the woman’s shirt and again face planting into her shirt.

 

“Oh yeah, she’s a cutie.”

 

“Hey! Put me do-” and I nearly bit my tongue right there because then she started walking, and I was being jostled up and down. I tried pushing off her shirt again but ended up slipping back onto my face.

 

“You text em’?”

 

“Done and _done_. We’re meeting up at the car.”

 

So now what do I do? There’s no arm to bite and no effect with any physical attack. I mean, I can’t even speak! But that’s when I remembered – _yeah!_ It was from a really old novel I once read from Mis’ Harp’s book stand. Someone had gotten kidnapped, so they pretended like they had fell asleep –then when the kidnappers had loosened there guard…

 

I dropped my head back down, letting my arms go limp and hand by my side.

 

An _impeccable_ plan.

 

(I learned that word from the book too).

 

…

 

Well they didn’t even stop once! They just kept walking and walking on, chattin’ up a storm of gibberish without even bothering to check on me!

 

“So Stacie, you hooking up with anyone yet?”

 

“Oh don’t even joke with right now Ame.”

 

I don’t know how long we’ve been walking, but what _do_ know is that it was already getting dark, and I was pretty tired from the day. So maybe I did kind of let out a few yawns here and there, and maybe I did snuggle up to her shoulder a bit–‘cause I _am_ sleepy. Only a little though. Sort of.

 

I didn’t close my eyes though. Really, I didn’t. Honest.

 

But, maybe I did I guess.

 

Only a little though.

 

…

…

…

**_Surely, to the sea_ **

…

…

…

 

It’s dark.

 

“Ngnh…”

 

Essentially not too dark, but dark enough for me to realize that I’m not where I’m supposed to be. This isn’t my outside hallway place _or_ my jacket covering me. It’s too soft to be mine. It’s also too warm, and it smells really good.

 

But it’s still dark.

 

I’m lying on my back, squished up onto a –mattress? Blanket? Big pillow? But…the pillow was moving? There was also a soft wall-like thing to my right, and it was also supple and warm like the sweater covering me. And there was this constant rumbling noise in the background, soon the sound of soft jazz also becoming apparent. At this point, I didn’t really know if I was more confused or scared.

 

“Hey.”

 

Under my normal instincts, I cringed away, immediately tightening myself against the wall to my right. Where had the voice come from?

 

Then someone chuckled, and I realized that the chuckle was really close to where I was. So close, that it wouldn’t even have surprised me if that person was a ghost or something. I peered around again, blinking rapidly to help my eyes hurry up and get used to the dark.

 

“Where are you?”

 

“Up here silly,” the voice laughed again. Then I realized, _oh!_ I know that voice, I _remember_ that voice. I leaned my head back in order to look up, and look and behold who it was. Mis’ Chloe, grinning sheepishly through the dark room. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t sleeping on any mattress of any type, why, Mis’ Chloe was had me wrapped up in her arms, jacket serving as a blanket to me stemming from the one she was wearing. Should I be happy? Or, um, should I be nervous? _Um…_

 

“…hi Mis’ Chloe.” Even though it’s been a while since I’ve actually talked to someone, I still haven’t forgotten to polite. I watched as her lips split into an even wider smile, and I felt her arms shuffle me around a bit before her hand was on slipping onto my head, rubbing at my hair in a kind lil’ gesture. Being polite is nice.

 

“Hi sweetie.”

 

“Where am I?” tilting my head back up at her hand, but not really doing anything to stop her. It feels nice.

 

“You’re in a car right now hun. We’re heading to my house to get you cleaned up.”

 

A car, oh yeah. The two kidnappers had said they were going to a car. But I guess they’re not technically kidnappers since all they actually wanted to do was take me to Mis’ Chloe. And now Mis’ Chloe’s taking me to her house, not back to Miss Kommissar’s. And at the same time of thinking this, I suddenly came to see that it wasn’t just us in the car. There were other people next to us in the backseat.

 

“Oh she’s absolutely _adorable_ Chloe.”

 

It was _her_ , the one that kidnapped me to begin with. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve been blissful or angry at her, so I just settled on not saying a word –instead leaning closer to Mis’ Chloe’s stomach. Not only to avoid eye contact with her, but also because… _sheesh_ , Mis’ Chloe’s really warm. I forgot how nice it felt to be warm.

 

“Oh don’t scare the poor girl Stace,” Mis’ Chloe scolded back, and I heard a couple of grumbles go by before I felt Mis’ Chloe’s arms tighten a bit, pulling me closer to her. Then she began humming a tune, a nice sweet tune that all but made my brain get sleepy. I didn’t wanna’ sleep like last time though, so this time I made sure to keep myself awake, closing my eyes but constantly fiddling with a button with my fingers. Cause’ I know what Mis’ Chloe was trying to do. I’ve read about it too much to not figure out that she just wants me to fall asleep, that’s why she started humming and all. It’s okay though. I’m sure she’s only doing it to make me feel better.

 

…

…

…

**_Darlin’ so it goes_ **

…

…

…

 

I wish they left me on my bench, I wish I can stop crying cause’ Mis’ Chloe might notice if I don’t cover it soon. I wish I wasn’t in this car, I wish there wasn’t a whole bunch of people crowded around me, I wish Mis’ Beca and Mis’ Chloe weren’t trying to be nice to me.

 

I wish I fell asleep, _oh man_ I wish I fell asleep!

 

Turns out Mis’ Beca was sitting in the front of the car, and as soon as they thought I was asleep, that’s when the conversation came up.

 

“What are going to do with her?”

 

I knew, _I knew_ I should’ve spoken up. Stopped them because _I did!_ I just knew that whatever they were about to say, it was definitely not meant for my ears to hear.

 

“What _should_ we do?”

 

 _I’m bad_ , I knew I was. Because I didn’t say anything, I should’ve but I didn’t. Guilt again, twisting up in my stomach and bringing an awful feeling to my head. I hated it, and I wish I could’ve said something but _I didn’t!_

 

“We’ll…let her hang out at our place till’ she’s feeling better. Then we’ll call up Lucia and take her back I guess.”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

Take her back take _her back take her back take her ba –no!_ And Mis’ Chloe must’ve felt me, felt the shatter, felt the tremble that raked through my body because she quickly hushed at Mis’ Beca. Then her warm hand was on my forehead, and her voice was being murmured just above my nose, calling out to me and asking if I was awake.

 

So this is where I am. I like Mis’ Chloe a lot, and I really don’t want to lie to her. She’s so nice, and I wish she didn’t say okay to Mis’ Beca. _Okay_ , to give me back to that awful, bad _bad_ lady. The one that made me run away, the one that always visited my dreams.

 

I let my shoulders relax, hoping that I was keeping a straight face and not expressing what I was feeling in my head.

 

Sorry Honest Abe.

 

No, I’m not. I’m not awake Mis’ Chloe. I didn’t hear anything.

 

A couple moments went by, and soon she was pulling back, and I could feel her heave out a large sigh as she settled back in the chair.

 

I’ve always read about it. When the guy or the girl, desperately in love with each other, longing and yearning to be together. They’re always talking about how their hearts hurt, how they wish _oh so dearly,_ they wish for the longing to stop. I never really did get the whole gist to it since I’ve never really experienced it before.

 

_“Love is merely a madness.”_

 

_“A choking gall and a preserving sweet.”_

 

It didn’t make any sense at first –but now I’m kind of starting to understand the meaning behind it. I can feel it, a choking sort of thing in my chest, cracking and dancing deep into my esophagus, laughing and prancing as I struggled to keep my breathing normal. I tried to make it stop by biting my lip, but it didn’t do _nothing_.

 

_“What made me love thee?”_

 

_“The prize of all too precious you.”_

 

I want to leave now, just hop out the car and run away. But I can’t, because Mis’ Chloe’s arms are really tight around me. I could though –I could _try_ that is. I could bite her hand like I’ve done to plenty of other people, but. But I. Don’t. _I do –_ don’t want to?

 

_“As love is full of unbefitting strains...”_

 

It does hurt though.

 

…

…

…

**_Some things, are meant to be_ **

…

…

…

 

Mis’ Chloe and Mis’ Beca didn’t live in a house, they lived in an apartment. It was a nice apartment though, all the way at the top of the building. The other people had left, apparently dropped off in the middle of the car ride.

 

Oh yeah, and speaking of the car ride –I’m still not awake.

 

Or I am, I’m just not, y’know –awake _awake_. Mis’ Chloe was still carrying me. She’s really strong by the way. I remember one time when we were having one of our appointments, she carried an entire coffee table by herself! Then, when she saw me gawking at her, she laughed and started taking off her sweater, flexing her muscles to me. And _wow_ , I remember. They were really big. That’s probably why Mis’ Chloe isn’t having a hard time at carrying me. Plus, I think I’m really light to begin with in the first place.

 

“Did we wash the guest room comforters?”

 

“Does it matter? We’ll just have to wash them tomorrow anyway.”

 

“Beca!”

 

“What? It’s true.”

 

“Ugh.”

 

I could hear bare feet slap against the wooden floor as I was jostled around, peeking open an eye here and there to look around and take in the surroundings of the house. It was really fancy from what I saw, shiny looking vases and nice furniture. I still need to leave though, as soon as possible. I don’t want to go back to Miss Kommissar. Ever.

 

So I guess I’ll wake up know.

 

I blinked open my eyes, grabbing hold at Mis’ Chloe’s black jacket and tugging at it lightly. She didn’t seem to notice me, still walking forward without looking down. _Hmmm…_

 

“…Mis’ Chloe?”

 

“Oh goodness!” That got her attention, snapping her out of the daze she had been stuck in and immediately causing her to look down. “You’re awake,” she quickly came to say, stopping in her tracks and smiling down at me. I smiled back of course, even though I was kinda’ mad at her and all.

 

“Um…can you put me down please?”

 

“Oh of course, of course!” She hurriedly went to kneel down, helping me up to my wobbling feet.

 

“Thanks Mis’.”

 

“No problem at all.”

 

We were in a small hallway, and to the left of us was a _huge_ window. It was as if there was no window really –just a pure glass wall that let you see the outside city. I was staring because it was really _really_ pretty. Despite it being nighttime and all, the skyscrapers and _wow_ just the lights of the city.

 

“Wow.” Like a fly would go to the bright light, I walked over to the window and pressed my head and hands against it. I looked down, a straight plummet to an abyss of roads. “It’s so pretty Mis’ Chloe.”

 

She just yawned, and then began to hum again. Mis’ Chloe must really like singing since she’s always humming all the time. Or maybe she just wants me to go to sleep again. But even if Mis’ Chloe was gonna’ say something back though, it would’ve been quickly cut off by Mis’ Beca’s voice anyway. “Hey Chlo!” she yelled, soon walking right on out from the door just to the side of us. “Chlo! I got the kids bed rea…dy.”

 

I unstuck one of my hands from the glass wall, waving it to her. “Hi Mis’ Beca.”

 

“Oh –um, hey kid. I got your bed ready.”

 

A bed? I t was kind of hard to imagine but, then I was walking on over to where Mis’ Beca was standing, Mis’ Chloe leading me with a hand on my shoulder. Mis’ Beca wasn’t lying though, it _was_ a bed. A bed. Not a sweater on the wet ground. A bed, big and soft looking.

 

“But before we get you on there,” Mis’ Chloe started, now putting both hands on my shoulder and guiding me away from the bed and more to the right. “We need to go over _there_.”

 

At first I was a bit puzzled as to why I found myself in a bathroom _with_ Mis’ Chloe in it. As far as I was concerned, even if I did need to go to the bathroom, I should at least be in here alone.

 

“Mis’ Chloe?”

 

“Yes dear?” she answered, shuffling around the large area and grabbing a towel and shampoo here and there.

 

“Why are we in the bathroom?”

 

“To get you cleaned up honey.”

 

“Oh.” _Ohhh._ Now I understood. Because I had suddenly caught sight of someone just to the left of me, someone who wouldn’t stop copying the same actions I was doing. But then I realized it was me, a reflection of me. _Whoa,_ ‘cause even though the public bathrooms I used to go to had mirrors, they were either to high up for me to reach or simply too cracked to see through.

 

I looked really bad.

 

“Alright now,” so focused on my awful appearance, I didn’t even realize Mis’ Chloe was behind me until she had gave a light tap on my back, only smiling as I snapped my head up to meet. “Let’s get you scrubbed up now hm?”

 

If I’m to be honest here, I can’t really remember the last time I’ve taken a bath. There may have been a day or two when it rained and I got soaking wet, but that was about it. So when I stripped off my shirt, it came little to surprise me of the sprinkle of caked mud and dirt that soon followed with it. And when I slid off my shorts, it was also no surprise when the same thing happened. Same thing with my underwear, and by now, the only thing Mis’ Chloe was doing was watching and moving her head left to right. “Tsk tsk tsk” the only thing said. Then I was lifted up and set down into the tub, all those continuous “tsk tsk tsk’s” still going as she began to start the water up and maintain her gaze on my body.

 

“Mis’ Chloe?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why are you staring at me?”

 

Well, I guess she didn’t even realize she was staring at me because her eyes then snapped up to mine. There was something I just couldn’t read off her, even after she looked away to begin filling a bucket. “Sorry hun, I guess I was just lost in space there.”

 

“That’s okay,” I managed to say before she poured the first water load over me. I sputtered a bit, even though the water was warm. First contact of water and skin is always naturally going to bring a chill over your body. “E-everyone gets lost in space sometimes Mis’ Chloe.”

 

And would you believe it. She just went to smile at me, and then went on to start humming again. It’s official then, Mis’ Chloe must really like humming.

 

“Mis’ Chloe?” I asked after another bucket of water was this time poured over my head.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why do you hum a lot?”

 

She looked a little puzzled at this. “Well why not?”

 

“Is it because you like singing?”

 

“As a matter a fact…” she paused to pour another load of water over me. “Yes. Nicely observed dear.”

 

So I was right, and I let her know that with a grin. After that, the water was shut off and then came the soap and shampoo. The shampoo smelled like Mis’ Chloe, a sweet lavender smell, and she went ahead and told me to turn around, scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing at my hair, occasional “tsk tsk’s” being heard once and a while. Then would come another couple of water bucket rinses, followed by another shampoo do-over. And lastly came the soap, using her hands to rub and scrub down my form, over the bruises and flaming scratches while making sure to gently glide over my ribs and stomach.

 

After a couple more water bucket loads, we were done. Mis’ Chloe went on to help me out from the tub, and then proceeded to wrap me all up in a fluffy towel, messily drying off my hair and then more gently patting down my body. The way she was doing it though made me feel like I was glass doll or something, like the ones from Oz the Great and Powerful.

 

“Yo Chloe! You guys about done yet?”

 

“Just finished!” I was then snugged up into the towel, probably resembling close to a burrito. Heh. Then she was guiding me out from the bathroom, opening the door and leading me into the chilled bedroom area. “You have her clothes?” she asked to Mis’ Beca, who only nodded and handed Mis’ Chloe a small stack of folded laundry.

 

“I’m gonna’ go get changed,” she glanced down at me. “You good kid?”

 

“Yup,” I replied briefly.

 

“Cool. Night then,” she said while making her way out the door.

 

“G’night Mis’ Beca.”

 

The door was shut lightly as she slid out, leaving Mis’ Chloe to unwrap the Burrito-like towel from me and help me into the clothes Mis’ Beca gave her. Undergarments and a really, really long shirt. Almost like a night gown.

 

“Is this your shirt Mis’ Chloe?” I asked, fingering at it and pulling the baggy sleeves.

 

“Nope. That’s Beca’s shirt. And one of her favorites too,” she added with a wink.

 

“Oh, well can you tell her I said thank you for letting me use her shirt?”

 

She laughed lightly, replying with an “Of course sweetie”, rumpling at my hair before gently clasping my hand and walking over to the big bed. _Big bed_ , because Mis’ Chloe ended up having to help me climb atop the mattress, it being too tall for me to reach.

 

She then said her goodnight, and I said mine, the door was finally closed, and light was shut off.  And I was alone.

 

In the dark.

 

Heart pounding, voices whispering, pupils dilating.

 

People saying, people doing, people talking and laughing and crying.

 

The dark, where they spring into existence. Grazing their way from the folds of shadows, places not seen places not heard. Never heard and listened to, pounding ears echoing the hisses of thoughts projected from minds never to be perceived of a blackening ripple cascading into the creaks of wooden stairs. Thinking and thinking and listening and breathing and waiting and remembering and _I’m_ _scare-_

 

I jumped out of my bead, throwing the blanket off and sprinting to the light switch. Breaths coming out heavily, I smashed the light switch upwards, knees almost buckling in relief as light finally came to fill my senses.

 

I’m safe.

 

…

…

…

**_Take, my hand_ **

…

…

…

 

“Movie night!”

 

Three syllables spoken, I was dashing away, doing my best to get away as far as possible. It was my second week here, and I had learned far enough that when the phrase “movie time” was spoken, it meant 1) Other people were in the apartment, and 2) Being forced to watch a boring movie.

 

_Initiate Run & Hide maneuver!_

 

“Oh no you don’t Missy,” and I ended up crashing into Mis’ Chloe’s shin, then heaved up from around my stomach and tucked under an arm.

 

“Nooo-ho-ho ho! Mis’ Chloeee!”

 

“I swear,” she grumbled, hip bumping me up and down as she neared the living room area. “You and Beca are _so_ difficult sometimes.”

 

“It’s so _boring_ though!”

 

“She’s right Chloe!” I heard Mis’ Beca shout from the living room ahead, followed by multiple other voices. “Boring!”

 

“I don’t want to hear it Beca!” Mis’ Chloe yelled back, in a swift movement of her arm sliding me upright and balancing me on her hip. “You too child. Not a word.”

 

“But Mis’ Chl-”

 

“M-m,” she shook her head, now entering the open area of the apartment. “Not a word.”

 

I stuck out my lips, frowning and crossing my arms. “Fine,” muttered after a second, not before thunking my head down onto her shoulder. I remained like that until she settled down, still holding me firmly on her lap. No surprise there since the last incident of trying to sneak away while everyone was “supposedly” entrapped on the climax part of the movie. From then on, Mis’ Chloe’s lap has been my designated spot for movie night.

 

“Alright,” Mis Chloe went onto to announce, calling to everyone’s attention. “What’re we watching today people?”

 

It was the regular people who usually showed up, all whom I’ve met before. I gave a wave to everyone as they called out there greetings to me before answering to Mis’ Chloe’s question. Of course there were suggestions given, but I wasn’t really listening. Instead I began to busy myself with a loose strand of hair from Mis’ Chloe’s bun, picking at it and attempting at making it into a mini braid.

 

“Oh c’mon Chloe!” I glanced away from my work momentarily, only slightly curious to see what the Amy-lady was to say. I like her. She’s always making funny jokes and embarrassing Mis’ Beca. “Your kid doesn’t even watch these! Lookie’ there, she’s not even paying attention right now!”

 

“Amy,” I went back to work on my mini braid, trying to focus out the chatter and really concentrate. “We are not watching a rated horror movie with a seven year old present in the room.”

 

 “She’s got a point Chloe. I haven’t ever spotted the kid even glance at the screen before. C’mon, we should tots bring it _on_.”

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

A chorus of yells is what snapped me out from my trance, shuffling over to look around at the angry faces, then looking back up to Mis’ Chloe’s stern expression.

 

“Mis’ Chloe?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Why’s everyone yelling?”

 

“Because they’re stupid.”

 

 _Oh boy._ “…Mis’ Chloe!” I gasped, sitting myself up straight and poking a finger at her chest. “You said a bad word!”

 

“Yeah Chloe!” the Amy-lady shouted from her spot in the couch. “Shame on you! For that –Saw III it is!”

 

“I agree!”

 

“Me too!”

 

“The man who directed this was on my hit-list.”

 

“Let’s do it!”

 

“Just cover the kids face or something,” Beca was the last to say as the movie was selected, the lights dimming down slowly from the Flo-lady. “And don’t worry, she’ll probably sleep through it or something.”

 

Mis’ Chloe just huffed out a breath, settling herself back into the couch and making sure to slip a warm palm to the side of my head, turning my vision away from the screen and instead to herself. “Don’t look at the screen,” she instructed with a small frown. “Kapeesh?”

 

“Kapeesh,” I agreed –not that I was going to anyway. Instead I just leaned back, using Mis’ Chloe’s arm as a backrest and grabbing hold of her baggy shirt while tilting my head onto the folds of her blouse. I could almost hear her heart beat, thumping its way to a beat like music and bringing me a weird sense of content. Cause’ with the lights dimmed down, and the night sky outside, that left a surrounding dark shadow over the entire apartment area. An unknown shady sphere around the area we were occupying. The light from the TV being the only form of luminosity.

 

But Mis’ Chloe was here, with me. Breathing and watching and holding me, so it was fine. Really. I was okay. I sort of just occupied myself with Mis’ Chloe’s shirt, then with her hair, then finally settled with grabbing at her hand and tracing the long lines traversing across it. Everything was fine.

 

That was, until the first shriek pierced through the still air.

 

Mis’ Chloe only flinched, but I all but jumped into the air, immediately turning my head to see what the source of the noise was. And it was there –my eyes went wide, breath stifling while the smallest of a whimper escaped from my throat because they were _staring_ with those _bloodlessly_ _pale_ –dull –stiff –blank and _empty_ ey-

 

“Don’t look hun,” and the palm of a hand was coming over my eyes again, gently leering my head back onto her chest. When her hand slipped away, I was back to staring into the dark void around us, without delay making me take hold onto her shirt again, this time squeezing harder at it. _They’re coming_ , emerging from the black goops of midnight colored shadows and surrounding and suffocating and ensnaring…

 

I leaned my head further away from the screen as another shriek was bellowed, closing my eyes and burying deeper under Mis’ Chloe’s arm. Roars and screech’s and chains pulling at skin and dragging me by my hair, enclosed in a light painted black that had my neck sweating and teeth grinding while lips were sputtering and fingers were quivering.

 

It’s hard to breath. In-out-in-out-in-in-in – _don’t think about–_

 

“ _Turn it off,”_ muffled, shuffled around with my eye lids still squeezed tight – _“Shut the damn screen off!”_

 

Then the l was crying out, ‘cause there were voices everywhere, heated chatter crowding around and touching at my skin. Dragging burning fingers across and over and around everything –and everywhere –and _every time_ –

 

 _Words –_ “…can you hear me?”

 

 ** _Names_** _–_ “…now, you’re alright.”

 

 _Sounds –_ “…open your eyes.”

 

 _(Open my eyes?)_ –there was light again, shining off from her kindling blue gaze. _Awake_ , but haven’t I been awake?

 

Then she was squeezing me to her chest, and I was clasping back to her.  Shivering despite her warmth.

 

It was hard to fall asleep that night.

 

…

…

…

**_Take my whole_ **

…

…

…

 

“Mis’ Beca?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Where do babies come from?”

 

“Oh!?” immediately she began sputtering, coffee mug nearly slipping right out from her fingers while she attempted to keep her cool. “Oh-ho-ho, well um…uh well ya’ _see_ …it’s like, it’s sort of like…”

 

“Do they really come from the Arctic ocean?”

 

“…wha?”

 

“Mis’ Chloe said they come from the Arctic Ocean. Then I asked her how that’s even possible, and she said it’s ‘cause of Santa Clause. But then that got me really confused because Santa doesn’t even live _near_ the Arctic Ocean! The only two surrounding oceans in close proximity to Alaska are the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.” She was still looking at me weirdly, eyes bugging out with her jaw hanging open. _Weird…_ “Mis’ Beca, you don’t think Mis’ Chloe was lying do you?”

 

“…Mis’ Chl- a-hem. _Miss_ Chloe? Lying? Nooo…”

 

“Hmmm,” I did the “suspicious pose”, squinting my eyes and raising an eyebrow. “Are _you_ lying Mis Beca?”

 

“Me?” then she was back to laying back into her chair, sliding the morning newspaper between us and raising it high so that I couldn’t see her anymore. “I would _never_ lie to a cutie like you~”

 

 Now I was suspicious. Mis’ Beca wouldn’t do her sing-song voice unless she was hiding something.

 

“Mis’ Beca?” I peered around her paper, ducking under her arm and peeking below the newspaper. “Are you and Mis’ Chloe gonna’ order a baby soon then?”

 

“Nah,” she replied without even blinking. “Maybe later.”

 

 _Hmmm…_ something still wasn’t right. She was still sipping at her coffee mug, normal enough. But the way her eyes kept darting back to me, and how she kept ruffling up the paper.

 

I did what had to be done, using the same tactic of “Get’em Uncomfortable” by invading the person individual space (I got that from the same book as the “Suspicious Look” by the way). So that’s just what I did, smooth in my movements as I shimmied underneath the newspaper and climbed atop her thighs.

 

“Yo,” she didn’t even put the newspaper down though. This was gonna’ be tough. “What’re you –”

 

“Alright Mis’ Beca,” I interrupted, sitting myself crisscross applesauce on her lap and tugging at her shirt collar to get her full attention. “You better tell me where babies really come from or I’m gonna’…I’m gonna’…” Shoot. What am I gonna’ do?

 

“You’re going to...”

 

“Or…” _Oh yeah!_ “Or I’ll tell Mis’ Chloe it was you that broke her favorite mug!”

 

 _That_ got her attention, bringing her to slowly fold the newspaper together and calmly place it onto the table. She took a second to make a 180 check of the area before looking back down at me.

 

“You really want to know that badly?”

 

I perked up. Of course I did! “Yes!”

 

“You really, _really_ want to know?”

 

Oh she was serious. So I should be serious too then. “Yes,” I said a little less loudly, still leaning up with a growing eagerness. “Please.” Politeness counts too.

 

“Alright, but you have to promise you won’t tell Chloe that I told you. Got it?”

 

“Got it,” I affirmed.

 

“And you also can’t tell her about the mug either.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Promise it now.”

 

“I promise.”

 

“Good. Alright,” and then she leaned down, coming to whisper into my ear. Finally I was going to know. Such a question that had me always continuously contemplating over and over and-

 

“Waffles.”

 

“Wha-”

 

“Blo _op_.” She plonked my nose with a finger, landing a kiss on my cheek before grinning and pulling back. _Waffles?_ Lifting me off her lap as she stood up and setting me on the edge of the kitchen table. _Waffles???_

 

 “Why, Mis’ Beca!” I gawked, sliding off the table and running over to her. “Mis’ Beca you’re lying!”

 

Oh but she just kept on grinning, turning on the faucet and beginning to wash her empty coffee mug.

 

“Mis’ Beca!” I huffed, grabbing at the back of her dress shirt and tugging down on it. “Mis’ Beca tell me!”

 

“I did~”

 

“Nu-uh!”

 

“Yu-hu~”

 

“Nu-UH!”

 

“Yu-hu~”

 

“Mis’ Beca!”

 

“Yes~?”

 

I sucked in a deep breath, stomping a foot and letting go of Mis’ Beca’s shirt abruptly. “That’s it!” If Mis’ Beca wasn’t gonna’ tell me, then I’d have to make the first move. “I’m telling!”

 

“You wouldn-” I was already twirling around, not before sending her a devilish grin of course.

 

“Mis’ Chloe!” I laughed out, feet almost skidding on the wooden floor as I ran. I could hear Mis’ Beca right behind me, following rushing in an attempt to stop me before reaching the bedroom. “Mis’ Chloe!”

 

“Hey –hey wait a sec kid! Hold it! Sit! Stay!”

 

“Never fiend!”

 

“Fie _nd?_ ”

 

“Mis’ Chloe!” I grabbed onto the knob and came to hasty stop, twisting it and ramming my shoulder into it. “Mis Chloe Mis’ Chloe Mis’ Chloe!” giggling and rushing to the lump on the bed. “Mis’ Chloe wake up! Wake up quick!”

 

“Wh- wha? Whas’ –whas’ going-”

 

I didn’t give her anytime to answer, let alone really wake up. Mis’ Beca was only a step behind me, prompting me to take extreme actions. Last step in my quick strides, I gathered a boost in my step and sprang onto the bed and just beside the just arising Mis’ Chloe.

 

“Chloe don’t listen to her!”

 

“Mis’ Beca’s lying Mis’ Chloe!”

 

“She doesn’t have a _single_ idea as to what she’s talking about.”

 

“Scientifically comparing, waffles _cannot_ be the source to baby’s location of production!”

 

“High off sugar this child is, yes she is.”

 

“You’ve gotta tell her to tell me Mis’ Chloe, you’ve _gotta_!”

 

“Way too many artificial sweeteners they put into those Cocoa Puff’s if you’d ask me.”

 

“She broke her deal Mis’ Chloe! She broke it and didn’t tell me!”

 

“Here, so why don’t I just…” I saw it before it was about to happen. Mis’ Beca coming up behind me, stretching her arms out to seize me (unfair advantage). Almost at once I dived underneath the warm covers and quickly crawled my way onto Mis’ Chloe’s lap, hugging close at her waist just in case Mis’ Beca went to extreme measures. Mis’ Chloe didn’t say anything, _why_ she didn’t even move. For a second I thought she had fallen back asleep, weird though because that would’ve meant she fell asleep sitting up –but no. She was awake, cause’ I felt her hand come onto my head from above the sheen blanket.

 

“A little slower this time,” she said, voice tired but lively. “What’s going on again?”

 

“Nothing,” came Mis’ Beca’s voice first. Innocent as can be. It was there I decided that make I was being a bit too rash, and that perhaps I’ll let Mis’ Beca off the hook this once. Just this once.

 

I burrowed my way out from underneath the blanket, popping my head up and out and sitting upright on Mis’ Chloe’s thighs.

 

“Nothin’.”

 

“Nothing?” she glanced at us both with a look of obvious disbelief. “You mean both of you came squawking in here like chickens, yelling and scaring the be-jeesus out of me…for _nothing?_ ”

 

“Yup, yeah sounds about right.”

 

“M-hm. Pretty much Mis’ Chloe.”

 

Well Mis’ Chloe looked just about to collapse then and there. In fact, she did –plopping back onto her pillow and groaning into her hands.

 

“You’re all crazy,” she muffled into her hands. I only giggled, climbing my way up Mis’ Chloe’s legs and sitting criss-cross apple sauce on her stomach.

 

“Mis’ Chloe?” I informed as Mis’ Beca casually sat on the other side of the bed, she too lying back despite her work clothes and grabbing hold of Mis’ Chloe’s hand. Smiling.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What does sex mean?”

 

…

…

…

**_Life too_ **

…

…

…

 

I like days like this.

 

“Yo Chlo.”

 

“Eh.”

 

“Can you pass me your water bottle?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Sundays to be more specific. The day where we would all just relax in the living room. Usually Mis’ Chloe would and I would be reading, while Mis’ Beca was on her laptop with her headphones in. Sometimes her music would get really loud, and Mis’ Chloe would have to tap her on the shoulder to lower it because we were able to hear it. Other times, always out of the blue, she’d call me over to come sit next to her. Then she’d slide off her clunky headphones from over her head and put it atop of mine.

 

And oh boy, that was some good music. Or “jams”, as Mis’ Chloe calls it.

 

Right now though, we’re all squished up on the long couch. Mis’ Beca’s on the far right, Mis’ Chloe’s on the far left, and I’m sitting in the middle. Usually I like sitting on my own couch, but I’ve recently adapted to sitting on theirs since it’s much cozier. And there’s more pillows.

 

It was really random when it happened. A bit terrifying as well.

 

“Hello!~”

 

The unwelcomed voice had me snap my book shut, looking up to Mis’ Chloe for some sort of explanation. But no, Mis’ Chloe’s expression was all but glowing, smiling towards the direction of the door now slamming shut. She quickly closed her own book, standing up from the couch and briefly making her way towards the front entrance.

 

“Oh great,” I looked up to Mis’ Beca who, although sounded annoyed, was smiling nonetheless. “Barbie’s back.”

 

Barbie? I put my book down beside me and scooted a bit closer to Mis’ Beca, tapping her on the arm while still watching closely at the front door and its voices.

 

“Who is it Mis’ Beca? How’d they get in? What’s Mis’ Chloe doing? Should we call the police?”

 

“Nah,” she shook her head and began putting her computer and other stuff to the side in order to get up. “That’s just Aubrey. She may freak out when she see’s you though so, y’know. Just stay calm and all.”

 

“Freak out?” Well why would she do that? I haven’t even met her before…

 

“Yeup. Oh –here, jeez c’mere kid…” I held up my arms meekly, allowing smooth access for her to slide her hands underneath and lift me up. A bit embarrassing and all, but I get pretty nervous when it comes to meeting new people. Mis’ Beca picked that on pretty fast after the incident of nearly having a panic attack when meeting all the other Bellas.

 

“She’s a nice lady right?” I muffled into her hair, tightening my arms grip around her neck. Mis’ Chloe seemed to have liked her, so that means she must be nice too and all.

 

“Ehh, yeah. I guess so. Depends if she likes you or not I guess.”

 

If she likes you??

 

“Mis’ Beca!” I whispered quickly after, looking over to the front of where we were walking. Already the two voices were getting louder, and a couple more steps we would be at the front door. “Mis’ Beca what if she doesn’t like me?”

 

“Oh calm down kid. She’ll love you.”

 

“Then why’d you say she’d probably _freak_ _out?_ ”

 

“Cuz’ she’ll probably think Chloe had a baby or something.”

 

“Wha?”

 

“Yeah, I mean…you look a lot like her anyway with the red hair and freckles.”

 

“Really?”

 

“M-hm.”

 

“Oh.”

 

It turns out though that Mis’ Aubrey _was_ nice. Although a little too nice for my liking after she nearly wrestled Mis’ Beca to get a chance at holding me. I didn’t mind that much. Mis’ Chloe trusted her, so I guess I trust her too.

 

Still, trust can be a bit tricky to get right. Gotta’ be a bit more careful.

 

…

…

…

**_For I, can’t help_ **

…

…

…

 

 _No_ –I need to leave.  .  .

 

I need to, but do I want t – _yes!_ But no, I _do_ –I don’t? _I won’t._ But I will. _Not._

 

The apartment’s door was just in my grasp. I had a duffel bag on my back, shoes tied and sweater zipped. A hat on my head, gloves on my hands –I was ready. To leave. Away, forever, and ever and ever. I _needed_ to leave, ‘cause if I didn’t, then they’d sooner or later send me back to Lucia. Or in other words, Miss Kommissar.

 

Never, ever ever ever. And ever. I’ll never go back to her.

 

So I’m leaving. I just need to twist the handle, I need to open the door and just go. _Easy_ , reach up and turn the knob. Piece of cake. No problem. I’m ready and set to leave. Chips from the pantry, water bottle from the fridge, the book Mis’ Chloe gave me to ready that I still haven’t finished (Huckleberry Finn), and an extra beanie from Mis’ Beca.

 

I don’t want to stay. _Do I?_ No, I don’t. _It’s always so warm._ No it’s not. _I get hugs all time._ So what? _They’re nice._ I don’t care. _They care about me._

 

They care about me?

 

 _So stay,_ no. _Don’t leave_ –they’ll give me back. _But will they really?_ Yes. _They aren’t really like the other grownups._ That’s what they all say. _They’ve never hit me even once._ Not to say that they may come to do it any time. _Maybe they don’t follow traditions?_ Yeah right. _Maybe not all grownups are bad?_ Shut up. _But what if-_

 

It was a rare thought to begin with. I liked Mis’ Chloe and Mis’ Beca. They were funny, they were nice, and they were always asking me if I was okay or needed anything. It was kind of like those times when Mis’ Chloe and I had those appointments, where she’d ask me the questions and I’d go ahead and answer most of them truthfully. Only this time Mis’ Beca was here too, and I was in their house instead of the Mis’ Chloe’s office. _So leave then_ , just like I did whoever the session was done. _Go_ , my time is far overdue already. The one hour ended by now.

 

“Hey Chloe? Is that you?”

 

I impulsively turned around, spotting the shadow coming around the corner. No doubt it was Mis’ Beca.

 

I _need_ to leave, but no. There was something –I didn’t want to. Like a rope, a thread –tied to my chest and anchoring me to the spot. I couldn’t move, _but I can_ , but I don’t. Heaving and straining, panicking and scrunching hard at my knuckles.

 

I snapped, silent on my feet as I opened the closet door to the right and slipped inside, closing it with nothing more than a quiet “thump” before burrowing myself into the jackets and shoes.

 

“Hello?” her voice was muffled through the door, and I could see the shadow of her feet from underneath the crevice of the door. They walked around a little, first going in the direction of the front door, then pausing just adjacent to the closet door. Listening for something maybe? I wasn’t sure, the only thing I could possibly do and possibly _think_ was don’t open the door, don’t open the door _don’t open the door…_

 

She didn’t open the door. Instead, the door popped open. Apparently I didn’t close it hard enough. It was opened only slightly though, allowing about an inch of width’s exposure. Not enough to be seen, but enough to grab her attention. I bit my lip hard, scooting back as far as possible until my back had hit the wall.

 

“Chloe I swear, if this is some sick joke –”

 

The door was swung open, and I held my breath and prayed to no one really in particular as the sight of her legs came to be seen. She was looking, she was searching, grazing over where I was. I was hidden enough though, the coats doing a good job at that.

 

At least I think they were.

 

 _Oh no_. She squatted down, knees coming to the ground and hands placed atop her thighs. I was caught –in a steely gaze, trapped –in a mixture of a sense of shame and dread.

 

“…what? Are…you –doing?” Then her eyes flicked to the backpack, traveling back over shoes and clothes, then back to me. “Were you –you were going to…?”

 

I didn’t say anything, only continuing to bite at my lip even harder. Silent, but in thought. What would she do? What _will_ she do? She’ll probably grab at me, drag me out and take me to Mis’ Chloe. It’s my fault though, I deserve it and all. I shouldn’t have tried to – _but they were going to take me back anyway!_ No –I might’ve had a chance. No chances, what am I talking about? _Now it’s without a doubt._ I cringed harder, I could feel tears beginning to form at the corner of my eyes. I hate crying, but… _it’s going to happen. Now._ They were going to take me back.

 

“Ho boy,” she finally came to say, swiping a hand through her hair and letting it fall at her face. “Um –this is –why don’t you just –here…” She held out a hand, right in front of me. In front of me, for me to take. I’ve gotta leave before they can take me but I _just_ _can’t_.

 

Mis’ Beca’s in the way.

 

“Mis’ Beca I-” my voice was cracking, and I could feel a burning pressure at my throat and chest. _I don’t want to–_ “Mis’ Beca I’m sorry, I swear I won’t do it again I’m sorry! I promise really! Don’ tell Mis’ Chloe please! I won’t do it again, honest I won’t!”

 

“Hey, look kid-”

 

Oh she wasn’t going to listen! No, I wasn’t going to –I need to go--

 

In a swift movement, I was springing forward. Blindly tearing through the coats and ducking past her surprised figure. I was past her, rushing madly to the door. To leave – _alone_ and _afraid_. Frazzled and in _distress_. Door knob just in my fingers until-

 

“Just _wait_ will you!”

 

I was being pulled backwards, the rope in my chest drawing in with a stingingly painful motion. Arms at my stomach, pushing me against a warm body. Capturing me and flailing motions, squeezing my arms together with her own, restraining my movements and shouting out words meant for reassurance. On the floor, her legs and arms locked around me.

 

“ _No!_ ” Yelled, but not perceived. “Let go!” Shouted, but not heard. “I don’t –want to go back… _please!_ ” Cried, but ignored. I was struggling with my breaths, I was trapped. Her heavy breathing was all over me, wrapping around me and yanking harder at the intertwining rope. Leave _leave_ , but I just _don’t want to!_

 

“I’m not –we’re not going to! Just rela-”

 

I didn’t hear her. _Words_ , I wasn’t focused. I wanted metal between my fingers, cold air breezing through my hair, to be alone to just sink and drown in my forever laid out plan of loneliness. Watching the laughing children walking alongside their parents, wondering and questioning of their thoughts never spoken. Speculating of the mothers grasp on their babies and the father’s constant protecting aura around the family as they walked by. How I never needed it, how I’ve never even come to _think_ of it.

 

“Mis’ Beca,” I could tell, my voice was pleading, arms straining with the movements of my words. “Just let _go of_ _me!_ I won’t bother you anymore _please._ ”

 

“Have you even been _listening_ to me?” I could feel her voice vibrate against my back, tone in disbelief. And what came out from my lips was a “Yes” but from my mind, a “no”. I was sure then and there she was going to take me back to Mis’ Chloe. Pick me up and haul me out to-

 

 “ _What_ is going on here?”

 

We both froze, and I could feel Mis’ Beca’s head slowly turn back to face her. I didn’t though, I just did my best to slink deeper into Mis’ Beca’s form, hoping that maybe Mis’ Beca was big enough to block me from her sight.

 

“Beca. Move your ass.”

 

Immediately the limbs around me were unfurled, brining a chilled shock on my back. But I didn’t dare to move. I knew she was staring at me, I could feel them both just wondering what to do with me. This was it, this was it all. With every step of her feet came a harder and harder thump of my heart, so hard to the point where I could almost hear it in my ears. Then she was crouching in front of me, and I refused to look at her perforating gaze, instead craning my neck down to stare at my own feet.

 

“So you were going to leave?”

 

I could feel myself trembling, everything. Lips to hands to legs.

 

“Yes.” It was barely spoken, quiet to the point where I could’ve mistaken it as my own thoughts.

 

“Okay,” hers was also quiet, and I risked a quick glance upwards, only getting to her hands. Knuckles, white from clenching too hard. “Alright.” She stood up, feet walking over to open the front door.

 

“Then leave.”

 

“Chloe –what are you-”

 

“Quiet Beca.”

 

It was weird. An eccentric feeling of dead calmness just swept over me as I got to my feet, shuffling my way to the door and not even pausing when I passed by her leaning figure on the frame of the door.

 

“Wait.” I did, halting just as both feet were firmly planted outside the door to their apartment. Her hand was on my shoulder, twisting me around as she came to kneel down again, busying herself with tidying up my dishelmed sweater and straightening out my hat. I should’ve been happy – _I am happy_. But I’m _not_ , no I’m not at all. It was this gut-wrenching force in my stomach, shame and guilt that brought a heavy pounding to my head and chest. “Be careful,” she whispered when done, bringing her hand to my chin and gently guiding it up to look at her. I didn’t want to, but _she_ wanted me to. So that’s why I did, and my heart started hurting again. Because oh she looked so sad, and when I looked up at Mis’ Beca, she looked really sad too. I closed my eyes when she came closer, soft lips connecting to my forehead before her arms were pulling me to her embrace. Lavender –warm, safe, secure, sheltered, cozy, comfy, snug. I want –I need – _I can’t-_

 

I don’t know.

 

I pushed away from her, tugging fiercely at the thread and breaking out from her arms. Running, always running. Away, pushing open the stair doors because I knew the elevator would take too long, slamming the swinging door shut quickly and **_stopping_**. Stuttering in tone and form, to just get away and stop feeling all this.

 

Think. Don’t **_think_**. Thinking, halted, _wanting_ to feel _wanted_. Shuffling, kicking lightly at the floor and glancing back at the door. _Go_ , but stay. _Be careful_ , and leave. I could cut the rope now. All I had to do was walk down the stairs. Slice it off from existence, as if nothing ever happened. But it’d be so _empty_. I could feel it now, draining from the source and leaving this weird blankness that almost had me bring a hand to my chest, trying to block the seeping hole.

 

Leave.

 

Escape.

 

Alone.

 

Break away.

 

 “But –I don’ _want_ to.”

 

Voice echoing throughout the areas cemented wall, along with the sound of the door creaking opening again.

 

“…shouldn’t have –stupid I can’t believe-”

 

Their front door was still open, and Mis’ Chloe was standing now, her head buried in Mis’ Beca’s shoulder. Mis’ Beca’s back was to me, and it only took a moment for Mis’ Chloe’s head to snap upwards at the sound of the door’s squealing hinges. Her eyes were wide and red, red –crying and sniffling. Then she was untangling herself from around Mis’ Beca, and Mis’ Beca was turning around too.

 

“You’re -” Mis Chloe was biting down on her lip, and I was trembling from head to toe. Trembling because _I want to stay_.

 

The weight was building, leaking through my eyes as a single tear rolled its way down my cheek, to which I quickly wiped away. To only a dire extent though since –another came down. And another. More and more. Until I was sniveling, and blindly moving my legs and parting my teeth to take in heavy breathes. I was falling and crashing into them both, “I’m sorry,” whispered. _“I’m sorry!”_ sobbing and sinking into them. Cradled and held, words – _focused_ –words I could hear from them. Walking back inside, the door shut – _protected, assured, consoled_ –on the couch, eyes shut tight with uncontrollable hiccupped sobs.

 

_“It’s alright now.”_

_….._

_“We’re not taking you anywhere you don’t want to go.”_

_…._

_“We’ll always be here for you.”_

_…_

_“We will always want you.”_

_.._

_“We’ll always need you.”_

_._

_“You’re alright now.”_

_.._

_“You’re okay.”_

_…_

_“We’re okay.”_

_…._

_“Hush now.”_

...

…

…

…

…

…

**_Falling in love_ **

...

…

…

**_With_ **

…

…

…

**_You_ **

…

…

…

 

**Author's Note:**

> Luv u all .3.
> 
> Elvis Presley: Falling in love with you
> 
> Quotes:  
> (The Merry Wives of Windsor, 3.3)  
> (Romeo and Juliet 1.1)  
> (Sonnet 86)  
> (As You Like It, 3.2)  
> (Loves Labor’s Lost, 5.2)


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